I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
