I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think my vagina is haunted
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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