I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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