yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
