the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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