...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
