Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You dont lie about slip and slides
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
