Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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