When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
