hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
