if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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