Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have feelings that need drinking.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
