Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
