it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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