Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
