Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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