i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
