The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
