happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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