if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
