69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
