Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
