I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
