so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
