The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
