he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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