You smell like stripper and shame
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
