I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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