I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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