i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
where are my eyebrows?
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