I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
