operation harelip BJ is a go
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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