Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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