The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
