Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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