planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i need some magic done to my vagina
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
