My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
