If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
