i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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