Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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