We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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