yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
