some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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