Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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