I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
