You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When did angry sex become our thing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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