During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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