I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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