foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
