god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
